Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Part 1: Why I am single - Intimidation

There was a comment on a previous blog that is completely fitting for this post.  The Anonymous person said, "If people said these kinds of things about you after your dates wouldn't you be mortified?"

No, I wouldn't.

Which is why about 4 weeks ago I changed my profile on the site I have been meeting my blind dates.  The very first line now reads: "My biggest goal right now is to learn why guys who look at my profile do not contact me - I am just intrigued by the male mind, I'd like to know what type of man I am distracting to or what it is about my profile that might turn someone away".

And yes - people have actually responded.  Long story short, if I listened to everything these guys said, the reason I am single is because I am beautiful, confident, successful and know what I want in life.  This is apparently intimidating and why I am single.  ? Like really?  That seems a little backwards to me.

"As a male of the species, i can tell you with most certainty why guys look at your profile and don't contact you in one word: intimidation. you, being a very attractive female, are intimidating to most guys. men tend to appear confident, but when it comes to reality, are scared of rejection. men, as a species are adverse to rejection and the damage it does to the soft male ego. when they encounter a woman of your caliber (attractive, smart, goal oriented, with a strong sense of who you are) they immediately look to a future where you turn them down for some self-perceived flaw they are sure you will notice right away. so, instead of possibly facing that rejection, they will scale down to a 5 or a 6 rather than face the possibility of being denied by a 9. trust me, it's not you , it's us."

"I am not messaging you because I might be too old for you and i am a little intimidated by your degree of physical beauty"

"Well first of all I like to comment why I think guys are not emailing you enough is that you are a attractive woman and a lot of guys get intimidated by that fact and think you have a million guys waiting for you. So why are you single.lol"

"Hi there. You ask why men don't often send you messages, I think it's the fact that you are accomplished and confident - which is generally enough to scare away most males. But I think you are very attractive and you seem to be very capable and intelligent."

""I just read your profile (yes, the entire thing, I didn't just skip to the pictures), and I thought I would write to let you know this guy didn't look and pass on your profile for anything more than the fact that I am a bit older than what your looking for (you say 24-38 and I am 41). I thought you had a very well written profile, you sound strong, confident and fun (all things very attractive in a lady) and when I did get to the pictures, you are a very attractive woman as well!"

"I can't think why you'd scare people off, unless they just get intimidated because you seem so completely normal. I tend not to message people because of that..."

"why I think other guys might not be messaging you, and that is they are nervous or intimidated. Lots of guys have Venustrophobia :p "

"I think one of the answers to your question is that you seem to know what u want in life and are very beautiful and guys may think they don't have a chance, so they would rather just not message you instead of getting rejected by you not responding back to them."

"Im baffled by the female mind! Seems most of you girls(and ur all sisters in one way or another) want the a-typical bad boy mistreating unemployed deadbeat...just sayin If your not one of those girls message me back... P.S. the reason guys are looking and not messaging is prolly due to the fact you are cute, as for me anyway, its intimidating."

"Why don't guys contact you? Well, to be honest, it's for the most part intimidation. You're a beautiful and successful woman, that if I had met you in a bar, I'd probably think I'd have no chance, and I still probably don't but that's not gonna stop me from trying. You seem like a good person. You've already acquired your dream job, congrats! You love to travel, personally I love road trips. Just grab my GPS, pick a spot on a map, and just go. Someone who is competitive. Theirs nothing that displeases me more, than a woman who lets me win cause it's "the girl" thing to do on a date. If you think you can kick my ass in something, bring it! While I've never been to the ballet, I would. How many guys would say that willingly? In fact, I love the SSO and would love the opportunity to return to NYC to see a Broadway play again. It's been far too long, saw Miss Saigon back in '97. As far as the "horny bored man" thing, that made me laugh by the way. That does seem to be the problem on this site, or any site for that matter. Too many men, browsing profiles, sending sexual messages to everyone, hoping that just one will say, "Sure, I'll have unprotected sex with a man I just met on the internet!" I do think you're cute, but that's not why I'm contacting you. You're intriguing, and seem like someone who's sick of the games men play and is looking for someone that wants to get serious. I hope you'll look me over and see that we do have some things in common."

"I think guys might be intimidated by your beauty and thats why they don't contact you. Well, at least I can say that I tried. :-)"

Yep - so there you have it.  My life quest is answered. I need to become dumber, uglier and less successful. Or find a new dating site. :)  Where the hell is that Matchmaker Millionaire chick?


The Girl who is too beautiful to date...bah humbug.  


BS said...

Did you contact that 2nd to last guy? He seemed...ok? :)

A Modern Day Mess said...


You suffer from a phenomena my friends and I have dubbed "having the quafecta"...it's like the trifecta (but four obviously)...we've noticed that most men will not try to date a girl (but will keep her as a friend) if she is

1) Attractive
2) Successful
3) Witty/Funny
4) Intelligent

We haven't figured out how to combat this national issue (I mean seriously who wouldn't want to date us?) but take it from my group of five girls who all suffer from having the quafecta...we know just how you feel. If only we were dumber, less driven, un-funny or ugly...

Emma said...

Oh honey, no. Two things - 1) This is a line from guys. 'Oh, you're soo beautiful, I was intimidated' Post a picture of a frog on your profile and you'll get the same response. They see your weakness (whyyy don't people contact me aren't I speciallll? and are pouncing on your insecurities by complimenting you) 2) People acutally don't contact you for the same reasons any people don't connect - they don't find you attractive in the way they are looking for, they don't find your age/interests compatable, maybe you seem a little concieted/into yourself in your profile, theat's a huge turnoff for guys and girls alike!

A Girl's Gotta Eat said...

@Bs I have contacted him - definitely friend material!

@AMDM - LOVE the quafecta, story of my life

@Emma - I totally get what you are saying, I am not implying I am falling for what these men say, because I completely know this is not scientific research I am conducting.

Ironically, I don't care what they say, it is actually the men who do not write me at ALL, who are clearly not interested in my brain, wit, body and soul (meow) that I want to know what is not attractive about me to them.

I love your reference to the insecurity aspect, few people picked up on that - Clearly these men who did write me back want to be needed by someone, and want to be babied.

I love the comments keep them coming!

The Girl who thinks you all rock

Anonymous said...

"Ironically, I don't care what they say, it is actually the men who do not write me at ALL, who are clearly not interested in my brain, wit, body and soul (meow) that I want to know what is not attractive about me to them.

I love your reference to the insecurity aspect, few people picked up on that - Clearly these men who did write me back want to be needed by someone, and want to be babied. "

PLEASE read that back again.

(First off you used "ironically" incorrectly) Yes, those guys who you lured in to get a written response performed as expected. You've gotten dinners, great. What is your goal? Dinner? Or love? As it stands now you're still alone, right?. I really hope those dinners have been delicious, mocking your own quest for love.

I love you babe, but figure your own self out before anything...

You're lonely (that's OK), you want a warm body in your bed, so FIND ONE, a hot, sexy one, and have FUN with him/her!!!

You're not going to find a meaningful relationship this way, (blind dating and blogging about it) and you fucking know it. You're smart. Stop kidding yourself, and just BE YOURSELF. The right man will find you, and if he doesn't, you've at least had a great sex life ;)

A Girl's Gotta Eat said...

@Emma- This is who I am and yes I am smarter to find a man this way - but you got to admit it is entertaining as HELL...

...and I will take a great dinner over love in my life right now...

Thank you for the sweet encouraging words!