Tuesday, January 18, 2011

PicMessaging SO does not look good on you

Guy 5: Stewart (I mean really? Stewy....stewy!!)
Age: 28
Kids: 0
Status: Single - and don't think he has left is apartment for years...
Employment: Medical School....like most of the men I have met - I am changing my desire to date a doctor....none of them are as sexy and cynical as House...they are strange! and not in the sexy way I like
Height:  5.8?
Eyes:  Dark brown
Hair: Dark brown, well from what he had left of it....receding hair lines...at what point do you just say, fuck it, and go bald?
Build: meh - all I noticed was his killer coat and chuck's.
Outfit: -   blue Chuck taylors..bonus - and no, not only because my dad used to wear them, distressed jeans and a blue plaid shirt topped off with killer glasses...and then that hair line..dammit. He might have been the first male version of a 'butter face' I have met
First impression: Ok dude, the idea of a blind date is so that I don't know what you look like ahead of time, so therefore I will not bail....if I didn't have a sense of humor I never would have showed up after that picmessage!

Blonde Date Blondie Rating:  2 - I like a guy who I can have somewhat intelligent conversation with.

Reasons I liked him: It was comfortable talking to him about my life, as vocal and extroverted as I may be, I don't really share too much..(hahah how is that for fucking ironic as I am writing a blog about every detail of my dating life!) Any who, we talked about my research at the National Center for Deaf Health Research and working on various grants throughout the Preventative Medicine field (you see how I did that huh? Through in some personal shit so you would know something about me, cause I a such a closed book)...we questioned life and the way certain people said things and how yogurt has mysteriously become a drinkable item.

We had fun, he ordered my dinner and enjoyed a few beers.  Although, he did get my order wrong and I ended up with the wrong salad, that is besides the point.  

Things that made me not like him:  Telling me he has lived near the University, which is 5 minutes to downtown, and after 2 years of living here, this was the first time he went out to eat downtown...I nearly shit my pants.  What what was this hermit doing?!?!??! Obviously studying and being a smart rich doctor, but really??? 2 years in your apartment? How do people do it? I could never just wake up, go to work or school, come home, eat dinner, watch tv or play video games, go to bed and do it all on repeat every single day.  

How do you know you are alive if you don't get out there and experience it!  He was working so hard for this prestigious degree and acknowledgment to come 8 years down the road, and in the meantime he let everything social pass him by...when he might not even see tomorrow....  Anything can happen at any time - I'd rather not waste the time planning only for retirement (which I am, I am not THAT dumb).  But I also have life insurance.  Those of you who know me, know I am married to my job, mainly because I am single and I have nothing else to focus my attention on, but I make time for fun.  I don't understand how other people don't either?

Anyways, enough about my thoughts on life. What do you care about that anyways, you are here to read about terrible dating, and the possibility of me tossing in a sex scene *no? took it too far? sorry mom*

The worst thing this kid did was send me a picture message of him saying "This is what I look like and what shirt I am wearing".

Now let me tell you - it looked nothing like the photo I had seen online.  NOTHING.  The photo online was CLEARLY taken in highschool. Well, not that I find highschool boys attractive.

Mainly it was his hair...the fact he had about 50% less than what I had seen....tells me some years had gone by. So I sent this text to my sister and close friend, because I was about pissing myself.  So if you are going to send a picture of yourself to someone...make sure it actually makes you look good!

And finally, if you are going to do that lame, one handed self taken picture..put your arm above your nose, NO ONE looks good from the bottom up and with a double chin.  No one. 

Oh, and don't you worry...I have been starting a collection of the most ridiculous pic-messages EVER....that blog to follow.  First I have to put black bars over their eyes so they can't sue me, because clearly doing that makes them unrecognizable.

Here's to another free dinner...even though it was the wrong one.


The Girl Who has to stop seeing the good in people

Friday, January 14, 2011

Part 3: Why I am single - ASL?

So really, these are the rest of the responses that had no category, but maybe really the only honest ones...I mean...lets face it, we are all smart enough to know the answer to my question is simple....they are just not that interested in me.   But don't get me wrong, hearing all the other stuff was very flattering :)

"guy's might be looking at your profile and not contacting you because one they are not looking for anything too serious in the beg. second would be they dont know much about what your bodytype is(sad to say it)"

"5'10 is probably too tall for me, and i think that might be the main reason I didnt contact with you.  You are certainly attractive but I'm not sure either or us is each other's type. Feel free to let me know if I'm wrong. But for lots of guys that share life with thing is maybe a bit offputting? If you replaced it with something along the lines of looking for a guy who wants to really get to know me and appreciate me? I'm bad at speaking for most guys though. Anyway have a nice day."

"I really don't know why guys wouldn't message you. You don't seem like an axe murderer or anything."

"To answer you question about what it is about your profile that would stop me from contacting you? I think you are very cute and everything you said in your profile was great, the only thing that would have stopped me if you didn't ask... You put that you are 5'10", I would just assume you wouldn't be interested in me because I'm shorter than you. So that's why I wouldn't have contacted you but now I did and I hope to hear back from you."

"Also, ninety percent of men on here are probably just looking for sex, so there's that problem too"

"I just read your profile (yes, the entire thing, I didn't just skip to the pictures), and I thought I would write to let you know this guy didn't look and pass on your profile for anything more than the fact that I am a bit older than what your looking for (you say 24-38 and I am 41). I thought you had a very well writen profile, you sound strong, confident and fun (all things very attractive in a lady). Wish I were younger, but I am sure you will get what your looking for in here, you sound like quite the catch!"

Well here's to getting back into the grind...bets on if I will have a date for Valentine's Day? Bahh


The girl who is to tall for your midget people

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Part 2: Why I am Single: I know what I want

Honestly, this guy needed his own blog dedicated to him for his response to my question in the last blog.  He is either high as fuck, on something that more people wish they had, or just has a lot of time on his hands because he has no job or is 75yrs old...Is it wrong that I fucking LOVE when someone is this open, honest and raw with me and I was excited to read all this?  I love knowing exactly what people think of me...and this guy did not spare my pride at any expense of letting me know what he thought of me...though in reality it doesn't seems like he even knows what he thinks...

"If you want to know why I didn't hit on you, I could sum it up by saying you seem high maintenance. You seem like the kind of girl who wants a nice guy that's going to tell her exactly what she wants to hear. And I'm not a nice guy, obviously. I think I'm a good guy, because despite my instincts telling me you want somebody to say your looks and success intimidates most men (or something complimentary like that) I'm just going to be honest and not bullshit. I mean you are attractive, I won't lie, maybe even hot. But you also seem a little demanding. Not of commitment, that isn't a problem, but of time, attention, money, and it all just gets to be too much. I met a girl on here back in November. She was kind of hot, too. We dated for a little while and eventually I just got tired of taking her out twice a week and her acting like everything was expected. No reciprocity.

So maybe it's an unfair assumption. But the fact you can't sit still doesn't help either.

I'm not saying you seem shallow or anything (like I said I really don't know anything about you).

So, I'm sure you're very nice. I think you have an awesome personality, frankly. I think you'd be great to hang out with. I really did think about approaching you at one point. And again now, which is why I'm bothering to write this, I do think you seem like a really cool person.

I just think you'd get bored and restless, then maybe a little irritating as you poke me trying to get me to move and entertain you.

I'm more of a greyhound, slow most of the time with intense spurts of explosion. You seem more like a hummingbird, constantly at a low buzz.
And that could either go really well, or nowhere. And I just don't think you'd have the patience to be happy in a relationship with that dynamic.

I don't know, I'm just sitting here waiting for football to start. I hope I didn't waste your time with this and you hate me now. Planning some cyber revenge that's going to destroy my computer...

So, cheers. I think you seem super cool. I really do. But just one of those girls who's a little too sure of what they want and how they expect to be treated. Like you're looking for a nice guy who'll take care of you a little. Not that you seem needy, but every girl seems to want to be a princess. I'm more interested in finding a queen.

So, please don't get down on yourself, please don't hunt me down and spray paint my house. You asked, and I'm answering out of respect. If you want to tear my profile apart, write back and call me an asshole, go and ahead and do it. I'm curious what people think of me, too. I'm not going to get offended and I hope that this didn't offend you. And with all that said, I have no doubt you'll find what you're looking for eventually."

All the best, for reals,


The Girl who Shouldn't know what she wants to be in a relationship :)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Part 1: Why I am single - Intimidation

There was a comment on a previous blog that is completely fitting for this post.  The Anonymous person said, "If people said these kinds of things about you after your dates wouldn't you be mortified?"

No, I wouldn't.

Which is why about 4 weeks ago I changed my profile on the site I have been meeting my blind dates.  The very first line now reads: "My biggest goal right now is to learn why guys who look at my profile do not contact me - I am just intrigued by the male mind, I'd like to know what type of man I am distracting to or what it is about my profile that might turn someone away".

And yes - people have actually responded.  Long story short, if I listened to everything these guys said, the reason I am single is because I am beautiful, confident, successful and know what I want in life.  This is apparently intimidating and why I am single.  ? Like really?  That seems a little backwards to me.

"As a male of the species, i can tell you with most certainty why guys look at your profile and don't contact you in one word: intimidation. you, being a very attractive female, are intimidating to most guys. men tend to appear confident, but when it comes to reality, are scared of rejection. men, as a species are adverse to rejection and the damage it does to the soft male ego. when they encounter a woman of your caliber (attractive, smart, goal oriented, with a strong sense of who you are) they immediately look to a future where you turn them down for some self-perceived flaw they are sure you will notice right away. so, instead of possibly facing that rejection, they will scale down to a 5 or a 6 rather than face the possibility of being denied by a 9. trust me, it's not you , it's us."

"I am not messaging you because I might be too old for you and i am a little intimidated by your degree of physical beauty"

"Well first of all I like to comment why I think guys are not emailing you enough is that you are a attractive woman and a lot of guys get intimidated by that fact and think you have a million guys waiting for you. So why are you single.lol"

"Hi there. You ask why men don't often send you messages, I think it's the fact that you are accomplished and confident - which is generally enough to scare away most males. But I think you are very attractive and you seem to be very capable and intelligent."

""I just read your profile (yes, the entire thing, I didn't just skip to the pictures), and I thought I would write to let you know this guy didn't look and pass on your profile for anything more than the fact that I am a bit older than what your looking for (you say 24-38 and I am 41). I thought you had a very well written profile, you sound strong, confident and fun (all things very attractive in a lady) and when I did get to the pictures, you are a very attractive woman as well!"

"I can't think why you'd scare people off, unless they just get intimidated because you seem so completely normal. I tend not to message people because of that..."

"why I think other guys might not be messaging you, and that is they are nervous or intimidated. Lots of guys have Venustrophobia :p "

"I think one of the answers to your question is that you seem to know what u want in life and are very beautiful and guys may think they don't have a chance, so they would rather just not message you instead of getting rejected by you not responding back to them."

"Im baffled by the female mind! Seems most of you girls(and ur all sisters in one way or another) want the a-typical bad boy mistreating unemployed deadbeat...just sayin If your not one of those girls message me back... P.S. the reason guys are looking and not messaging is prolly due to the fact you are cute, as for me anyway, its intimidating."

"Why don't guys contact you? Well, to be honest, it's for the most part intimidation. You're a beautiful and successful woman, that if I had met you in a bar, I'd probably think I'd have no chance, and I still probably don't but that's not gonna stop me from trying. You seem like a good person. You've already acquired your dream job, congrats! You love to travel, personally I love road trips. Just grab my GPS, pick a spot on a map, and just go. Someone who is competitive. Theirs nothing that displeases me more, than a woman who lets me win cause it's "the girl" thing to do on a date. If you think you can kick my ass in something, bring it! While I've never been to the ballet, I would. How many guys would say that willingly? In fact, I love the SSO and would love the opportunity to return to NYC to see a Broadway play again. It's been far too long, saw Miss Saigon back in '97. As far as the "horny bored man" thing, that made me laugh by the way. That does seem to be the problem on this site, or any site for that matter. Too many men, browsing profiles, sending sexual messages to everyone, hoping that just one will say, "Sure, I'll have unprotected sex with a man I just met on the internet!" I do think you're cute, but that's not why I'm contacting you. You're intriguing, and seem like someone who's sick of the games men play and is looking for someone that wants to get serious. I hope you'll look me over and see that we do have some things in common."

"I think guys might be intimidated by your beauty and thats why they don't contact you. Well, at least I can say that I tried. :-)"

Yep - so there you have it.  My life quest is answered. I need to become dumber, uglier and less successful. Or find a new dating site. :)  Where the hell is that Matchmaker Millionaire chick?


The Girl who is too beautiful to date...bah humbug.  

Monday, January 10, 2011

Raw 11:53am: A Un-filtered Post

So I debated posting this - it is from a night I wish I could take back.  Not for any other reason than I hate when I do stupid things.  The men can come and go, and I know one day I will be worth the effort to someone...but when I do things I know I shouldn't - that really bothers me.

Here it is, I figured I let you all in to other aspects of my love/dating life, it is only fair to share it all, only one request, don't judge.  Ever.  Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can't.  Either way- enjoy.


"So yes, I went on a date with a 40 year old man tonight. But this is why I am single, because stupidly I went on this date so I could actually see the person I like . The person, who in the last 10 years, might be one of the few who I thought could wrap their head around the warped mind that is me.  Well I failed. He left. I am home. And I am sad. I regret things. I am glad I met him. Chances are I will never talk to him again, because I am a stubborn bitch that wouldn’t give the guy who left her stranded at a bar the time of day afterward,  clearly.  But it might not have been clear to him that I wanted him.  Chances are he never wanted me.  

In my mind I may have perceived what I was doing as a term of endearment – an expression of ‘why the fuck else would I come to this place, other than the fact that I knew you would be here."  But maybe he didn’t know that.   And maybe that is my fault because I do not do enough things in my emotional life that let others believe I am interested.  Hence the single-hood.  I am a tough shell to crack, but I want to love. I want to be with someone and complete them and entertain them.  I want to be the half of someones life that make them want to be a better person and I want to meet someone who  challenges me to be someone  better than I am each day. 

I thought I wasn't crazy for believing in that.   Then I realized I was wrong.  Stupid really.  I was played, yet again.  I know this guy had a girlfriend. (no judging)  But I am sucha  hopeless romantic that I would have done anything to believe that just for once, for fucking once in my life, someone got me. I really thought for once, there was a chance I could be happy.  That I could just be myself and be understood.

I should have never gone on that date in-front of him. I did it all wrong.  But there are certain things I would do all over again.  

I internalize a lot of what I feel, and I know that this certain individual reads these lame blog posts, and I just want to say one thing if he happens to run across this one, and that is; you make me want to wake up the morning. You have helped me to become more in-tune with my surroundings and appreciate everything that happens.   You are carefree and passionate about what you do for life, and I am honored to have known you for this period of time.

I hope one day to fall in love with someone like you – and even greater I hope some day someone as remarkable as you will fall in love with me.  Until that day, I won’t forget you."


The Girl who finally admitted her feelings.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Possibly the Worst (and Best) Date EVER!

Guy 4:  Stan the Farmer
Age:  28
Kids: no
Status: Single
Employment: He builds cell phone towers..but his family owns a dairy farm…great!!! If he DIDN’T SMELL LIKE COW MANURE!
Height:  maybe 5’8”, with a gangsta limp    
Eyes:  He had 2
Hair: Dirty blonde – receding hair line
Build:  stout  - but looked like he had thin legs (don’t as me why I noticed that)
Outfit:  blah jeans, a hurly t shirt and aeropostle hoody…in a bluster snow storm….all made up just for me? Felt like I was on a date with my highschool boyfriend again.
First impression:  oh god, I am not going to like this one – but free dinner!
Blonde Date Blondie Rating:  2 – it ended up being one hell of a night!
Date #2?:  haha nope.

Moments that made me like him:  He was sweet – genuine, had a great heart. He meant well and was a caring person. I liked that I could tell he liked me…how arrogant is that?  He asked genuine and real questions about me - a trait that so many men lack.  He showed real interest in understanding who I was, if only I cared to share :)

Moments that made me not like him:    Where do I even begin? Maybe the point where he called me to tell me he was at the restaurant, and I arrived 2 minutes later,  and I think I passed his car, but who knows.  Well 5 minutes go by, 10 minutes go by... nearing 15 minutes later I realized I had been stood up.  Which I found hilarious! I was excited that for once in my life I was stood up – don’t judge,  I just always wondered if it actually happened and what it felt like.

As I was about to go to McDonalds, he walks into the bar, stands on the other side of where I am sitting and orders himself a drink.  My first thought was, oh, he doesn’t think I am pretty and regrets his decision. Double awesome, because I only wish every guy was this forward in how he felt about a woman!  Then he smiled and came over to me.   Damn.

I realized this farm boy was not going to buy my drink, so I hailed the cute bartender to make me a stiff one because I knew this was going to be along night. 

We ordered some food and by the time we were finished with our meals, I had learned all about his poor car accident that took away half of his teeth – which would explain the intense lisp and large white Chiclets looking smile he had.  I am not that big of a bitch – so I never thought anything of the lisp or teeth - and felt sad for him after he told me the horrific, 40 fucking minute story. Ok fine, I’ll sit through your pity party, but no reason to whip out your phone and start showing me pictures of you in the hospital bed, you in your own bed, you standing next to your smashed car, you holding your kitty next to the teeth that fell out (ok that last one was a lie, but really?) and the scratch on your leg and what you look like with no teeth…I am not going to have sex with you after that.

It wasn’t until after dinner things really started to get interesting.  He started ordering my drinks, and then ordered a shot.  Now, mind you, this guy is a farmer, lives in the boondocks 50 minutes away, and it is a blizzard outside.  Not to mention he was in a horrific car accident 3 months ago.  I highly doubted he should be drinking more than 2 beverages, let alone doing shots of Jameson.  But fuck, who am I to judge, and I did the shot with him.

It wasn’t until after this I started to notice a distinct smell.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I knew I had smelled it before.  It wasn’t a pretty smell, like fresh laundry or men’s Cool Water cologne that was sexy in 9th grade.  It also wasn’t an off-putting smell like BO or bad breathe.  God, what the hell was it?

Then it hit me.  He smelled like my childhood summers!  Every summer for 5 years I went to horse camp.  Where we groomed, fed and rode horses for weeks at a time. (get your mind out of the gutter people)  Each summer you were designated a horse and responsible for all care taking aspects of it.  Bathing, replacing shoes and maintaining  a clean stall, which obviously included shoveling out their shit from the stall and carrying it in barrels to a dump where the manure was processed for farming. 

And then it hit me, this man smells like manure. Are you freaking kidding me. It wasn’t that he looked dirty or I think he had stepped in it, but he mentioned his family were dairy farmers and though he lived there he was not on the farm.  Well – law of absorption I guess. Like when you sit around a camp fire and you go home you can’t get the smell out of your hoody or your skin – well this poor kid absorbed cow manure scent. How awful is that!

In the process of debating if I should tell him or not, I was looking around the bar and noticed I was the only female there – and there was a group of 6 hot looking men playing pool. It was at this moment I looked at my date and said, “you any good at pool?” and he said , “hell yea, I’m a shark”.  Then I did the most awful thing in the world – I said, “I bet you couldn’t beat those guys playing pool.”  If it is one thing I know about most men, they don’t like to loose, nor do they like a woman telling them what to do.  So I figured I would make it look like it was his decision for us to go over and spend time sitting around these 6 hot men, leaving me alone while he played.  I’m awful.  Then I realized I was on a date with this guy, and it would be completely inappropriate for me to scam him into playing pool with these guys just so I could sit there and talk to  hot men....

So my date is in the middle of his second match with one of the hot guys, (oops, I couldn't help myself!) and I am having a grand old time. Half of them were major pot heads and a few others had girlfriends and the rest were living at home with their  mother, so there was no real potential, but it was fun.   I found it hilarious when I saw my date lose the 2nd game and give the other kid $5 and when I asked him if he won, he said yes. Guess because I am a girl means I don't know the person to get the black ball in wins, idiot.

Then he offered to buy me another drink and shot.  I replied, “I can do a shot because I live fairly close, but  I woulnd’t want you to drink anymore because you have a long drive ahead of you.”  To which he replied, “oh no, I’ll be ok.”  And then it fucking hit me.  This kid is planning on coming home with me!  Well I figured it out because of that comment and the fact he tried unsuccessfully 3 times to kiss me and constantly tried to put his arm around me. Ew. Manure.

So it was operation ‘lose this kid’ from that point on.  As my date was buying us shots, one of the hot boys said we should come meet them at this other local club.  One that I had never heard of before that ended up being a local Russian organizational club. (o boy)  When my date returned, I said we should be crazy and go somewhere else, and he was astonished with the fact that I was so carefree and outgoing I would want to go to a place I had never been.  Idiot.

As we are walking to this other place, I realized my date was not with me any more.  I turned around and about 10 feet away, there he was, wobbling toward me like he couldn't bend his knee..  Opps, I had forgotten he broke his foot in the car accident and had 4 pins in it.  I knew this because I saw the picture of his foot immediately after the accident, his foot in the cast held up next to the car and then the xray of the pins in his foot.  What had I gotten myself into.

After taking my walking pace down to that of  a 90 year old, we finally arrived at the new place; Walked up 4 flights of dark stairs to an unmarked door where we found  7 dudes smoking cigarettes and drinking at a long dingy bar.   I knew I should have feared for my life and expected some sort of gang bang, but I loved it! I knew I could handle my own and found it hilarious I had coaxed my date into coming to meet the hot guys.

As we started playing pool I hadn’t forgotten the fact I needed to ditch this guy before he wanted to leave, because I feared the moment I told him I was ready to go, he would do everything to leave with me and try to follow me home.  Oh fuck no, there was no way my stuff was going to have manure stench.

So the only way to ensure this wouldn't’ happen, would be to flee the scene without him knowing.  Which proved to be fairly difficult, considering there was only one exit visible from anywhere in the bar, and there were only 9 people in it, so when one of us went missing it would be obvious.

The rest of the evening turned out to be fun – I made friends with the little coked-out female bartender – surprise surprise, which led to insane amounts of shots and free drinks, the boys started playing pool against each other, and I had become a therapist to one of the new girls that walked it  - helping her figure out if her boyfriend not answering her texts for the last 30 minutes meant he was cheating on her.  I told her no- the fact he is out without you and did not tell you where he is, means he is cheating on you.  Jeeze, do I have to teach these people everything.

I glanced at my watch and it was getting late – I had to work tomorrow! 2 of the stoner guys were getting unhigh and wanted to 'blow this popsicle' stand to ‘smoke some killer green’.  This was it! My perfect opportunity to sneak away without my date noticing.  All I would have to do is sandwich myself between these two tall boys so he didn’t see me and be free!

Well only problem was I could see my date looking around for me every moment I was not near him. Luckily and stupidly, I had left my purse at the end of the very long bar.  When I saw him looking for me, I ducked behind one of the tall boys and watched my dates movements through the crack in the stoners armpit.  So he noticed my purse, probably thought I had went to the bathroom, and then turned to return to his manly game of pool.

Now, I don’t remember it exactly, as it was all a blur of genius and wit, but the moment I saw him turn his back to me to play pool, I knew it was my time to escape.  Immediately after I saw his eyes return to the table, I pulled out my highschool basketball spin move, bolted across the bar, grabbed my purse and coat as I was simultaneously opening the door and flying down 4 flights of stairs. I exploded out of that front door faster than I ever ran at a high school track meet.  My arms were pumping so fast the intense wind I felt in my hair wasn’t from nature, but the speed of my arm movement.  This bitch was on a mission. 

I threw my coat on as I was running insanely down the snow covered street, hugged my purse for dear life and never looked back at that Russian club.  I had made it out a live.  This time.

The last thing I remember is hearing the 2stoners behind me saying, “dude, where’s my car.”

Now I say that is a pretty damn good night. But no long term potential.

Keep the Number?:  I never heard from him again – just a text 30 minute after I got home.  “Hey, where did you go.”

Here’s to one hell of a night!
The Girl who can really play pool:)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Perfect Kiss

So this post is in response to someone who asked a question from a previous post "What is the ideal moment for a first date kiss".  Got me to thinking - I judge people a lot when I am on a first date, especially if it gets to the first kiss - and what does make a great kiss?  Well - Hell if I know, but here was my response -

"Eric - the ideal kiss.  Hesitation.  Waiting until the end of the night was the right thing to do, but its the movement of the kiss that matters, along with making it feel like it was a decision by the both of us.  One of the best after date kisses I had recently was in my car.  We said our good byes, he whispered in my ear what a great time he had with me and then opened the door for me.  After he opened the door, he leaned in again to say good night, and I could not resist the urge to put my lips on his and finally let the passion I had felt all night be expressed. 

There should be some teasing, touching of the face - but this is all dependent on the fact that the girl wants you.  I think a great way to test it is the goodbye hug.

Hug her, attempt for the kiss on the cheek.  If she remains in hug/wrapped arm position with you and stands there with her vagina angled towards you, she wants you.  Go in for the lip kiss - but not too quickly.  You will look desperate.  And don't make it too long.  Only 2 - 3 lip kisses and maybe 2 seconds of tongue, then end it. Leave her wanting more.

The trick is to keep her thinking about you the rest of the night, morning and following week.

If you lean in for the hug and the kiss on the cheek and she turns away and then walks away, give up. She is not interested. 

Your last test of finding out if she likes you - ask her to do something again before she leaves.  If she says, "I would like that" or "absolutely" you are almost guaranteed in.  If she says "call me" or "sure, I'll let you know when I  am free",  Chances are she doesn't want to see you again.

The ideal kiss is one you can't stop thinking about.  The one you want to happen again.  The one you hope was not just a dream.  A kiss that seemed to happen way to fast. Less is always more when it comes to the first kiss."

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Unique Places to Find Other Singles

Happy New Year! As I am sure some of your new years resolutions are to give love, find love, finally break up with that girlfriend you are cheating on, or stop masturbating so much, I wanted to give a gift to all of you!  Whatever your reason may be to find someone special - I've found a few places you can look to seek out other single people.  

(Warning - I am just making this shit up - I am no expert, but figured hell - I am the loneliest, most single person out there, so what I do for fun or alone must be what a few other singles do too!)

Tip: Look at places/things you do when you are alone or single.

Where and Why?
Red box video: 
If they are wearing a ring - stop.  If they are not and alone, this is a 50/50 shot they are single.  The way to tell the difference is how long they spend at the machine.  The longer, the better for you.  Because if they have a girlfriend and she wants him to rent a movie - she is going to tell him what movie to get, because last time she asked him to pick out a romantic comedy, he came home with Nightmare on Elm street.  This theory is true if he is on the phone reading the selections out loud.  It is either his girlfriend or his mother - either way stay away from that one.

$6 dinner at wegmans or any of their take outs:
Duh, no one is making him dinner, yet he craves the somewhat comfort of a homemade warm dinner.  This guy will appreciate a woman who cooks for him and hopefully provides some tasty dessert :)  A guy who has $6 dinner and Red Box movie = definitely single. 

Buying single servings of bulk produce:
Whether its bananas, onion, potatoes, peppers or apples, if they are buying one serving of any item they are cooking for 1, and they know how to cook, and they have passion about other things in life.  If a guy takes the time to buy fresh produce he likes to learn, adapt and understand things.  He is intrigued by a process and gets excited to be part of a project from start to finish.  Most likely he is professionally successful too and likes to impress people (or has no job therefore he has the time to make constant trips to the grocery story to buy fresh produce and the time to make every meal, but let us not distract from my fantasy). I'm going to keep my eye out for this one!

Frozen Food Section: 
A less mature version of fresh produce guy, but acceptable none the less. Single guys tend to stick with the basics, frozen pizza, fish sticks and waffles. It is the quantity he buys that will let you know if he is single.  1 = single, 33 = horny or owns a shitty bar.  This guy is somewhat of a simple mind, likes sports, plays video games and knows the bartenders life story at the local bar. 

Buying single rolls of toilet paper vs. cases:
Lets be honest - this one is obvious. Rule of thumb that any guy is single: he buys 1, not packages of things.  Guys don't use toilet paper as often as women, so therefore he does not live with one nor does he have one visiting often.  Just don't let him catch you staring at his paper roll...that's strange.

Local park, dog park:
This one has to do with the mind of a female.  We love doing cheesy, lovey dovey things together like going for walks in the park, taking the dog and playing, hiking and the like.  So there is no way we are going to let our man do this himself. Especially a dog park.  We are not dumb, we know how attractive and what a chick magnet dogs are - you think if he was not single his woman would let him out without HIS leash? I think not.  This guy is creative, calm and very intuitive.

Still buys the Wegmans brand American cheese for $2.99 when the Kraft cheese is on sale for $1.50:
He doesn't know how to grocery shop or have someone reading the weekly flyer looking for sale items. So he still buys the crappy brand which cost more because that is what he is used to, and there is no one at home who is going to yell at him for doing it. 

Purchases quarts of milk vs. gallon
This means there is no one staying over to have cereal in the morning or making scrambled eggs.  Plus the smaller size is closer to a glass shape, and we all know he will be drinking out of the carton. 

Stay away –
They are in the feminine product aisle…hell within 5 aisles of the tampon aisle, because we all know there ain't nothing manly in those aisles.

Purchase reduced fat peanut butter after looking at the nutrition facts.

In the magazine section  - their girlfriend wife has told them they can no longer play video games, go golfing or needs to stop watching so much tv.

Hope this helps - Enjoy!