Sunday, February 20, 2011

You must be "this" tall to ride this ride

Guy 2:  Matthew
Age:  32 – so he said. ha
Kids: 0
Status: Single
Employment: ‘self employed’ aka laid off and can’t find a job…
Height:  maybe…..maybbbeeeeee pushing 5’2”
Eyes:  I have no fucking clue, it was dark in the bar
Hair: Almost military buzz – made me realize how much I miss the fo-mo
Build:  As nice as a 5’2” man can look – I really need to remember to check height requirements before these dates to determine reality of wearing heels.
Outfit:   Great jacket, cool scarf, hot jeans, classic shoes…well done sir.
First impression:  Yep, his head looks too small for his body.
Blonde Date Blondie Rating:  4 … probably the best date I have gone on so far…in only that there was actually a real conversation that took place…too bad he didn’t make my vagina wet. 
Date #2?:  nope…

So this was actually a set up by a colleague.   A nice woman I work with, who apparently might have a crush on me, told me that I needed to meet her friend Matt.  She said he had the same sense of humor, sharp wit and sarcastic stories to tell about dating.  If you can’t tell by now, I am up for anything.  She could of told me he wanted to take me skydiving and I would have been asking if he will be straddling my back when I jump or some hot muscular stranger.  Hmm…I kinda wanna go skydiving now.

Anyways, I said yes to the date, he was polite, called me, we set a time to get drinks….and I ditched him.  Opps! He had texted me on a Tuesday, asking to get drinks on Thursday and in my head I said yes. I was excited, I didn’t have any plans for Thursday.  Well, apparently I never told him that and texted him back.  Until I remembered that Saturday I was supposed to have plans with him. “I never wrote you back” I said to him, and his reply was a simple “nope”.  Normally I wouldn’t have cared, I fucked up and clearly we were not meant to see eachother.  Only this was different, it was a friend of a friend. I was doing her a favor – I could just hear the conversation between them about me if I didn’t meet him…”that stuck up bitch”. 

Ended up not being like that at all.  I spoke with my colleague about it the following week, expressing my sincere apologies for blowing him off and she kindly said, “I told him I know you were busy with work, so he understands”.  Well then, I guess there are still a few decent people left in the world.

I had to make it up to her so I made plans to meet this guy and got all dolled up.  When I walked into the bar, I couldn’t find him.  Little did I know at that time it was because he was a midget and blended in. (aw, that was mean)

So I called him.  Well…I called Matt. I called a Matt.  I called the wrong Matt. I called another Matt that I had been ‘texting’ from online for about 3 weeks and consistently blowing off.  Yep, here I am asking “Hey, are you here”, to here his response “Where, how are you?” and noticing the slight rise in his vocal cord due to his pure excitement I had called him.

I looked at my phone, fuck.  So I hung up on him and called the right Matt.  I clearly need to come up with a better system for storing these guys names.

We finally met, sat down, ordered some meat and cheese dish, I enjoyed an extra dirty 3 olives martini with 3 olives and chatted. 

Then it happened. I fucking knew this would happen sooner or later.  We were talking about how our mutual friend told him that I was the girl of his dreams and how we had each been on ridiculous dates.  Then he mentioned online dating, then online dating profiles….then my online dating profile……that he had read…..because he had written me ….. oh fuck.

Yep.  He was one of the guys who had been emailing me for a date, which I kept blowing off.   Now I don’t get embarrassed or blush, ever.  But this moment was the exception to the rule.  Apparently he had asked me some lame question and I replied with a short answer…whatever, don’t ask me a lame question.

I guess it registered with him when he had called me to make a date and I said something about my profession and all of a sudden ‘my face popped into his head for no reason’ – then it hit him, the girl his friend was hooking him up with - he had already attempted to set himself up with, and failed.  Opps.

Though it is an interesting look at the dynamic of dating – online vs. being set up vs. meeting people. 

I knew it would happen sooner or later in a new city as I made friends, that I would meet someone out that recognized me from my online profile, but I sure as hell didn’t think it would be someone my friend set me up with.

What I liked about him: we had a passionate conversation about business, and before I knew it 2 hour had passed.  He was polite, he paid, he listened.

What I didn’t like about him: Honestly, there wasn’t much about him I didn’t like.  The only red flags were the clear fear of commitment, with relationships and job stability.  Yes, we had a heated conversation about things, but I don’t mind disagreeing with someone.  In fact I actually rather enjoy it.  I like proving why I am right J Hey – I am a Taurus….stubborn little bitch, and don’t intend to change.

I guess this was a pure simple lack of attraction.  I absolutely am a believer in the school of thought that ‘he does not have to be hot to everyone, just me.’  And that tends to be true more often than not.  Unfortunately, most of the guys I have fallen for were apparently hot to many other women, proven by the number of time I have been cheated on by some of my bf’s…ahh fuck it, I am just attracted to douche’s….assholes….

Ok.. I am getting off topic.  My point is, I have – currently am – and will always like guys based on their personality first.  BUUUT... But. You, as an individual, with that person as part of your life, must be attracted to them.  Looking at them should make you nervous.  The nervous that makes you feel your heart beating in your neck.  I mean come on people, if you don’t want to spend endless hours kissing and possibly doing other naughty things with a potential ‘significant other’ on atleast the first 10 dates….don’t bother.  You will end up cheating. 

No not, really, I don’t know if you will cheat. But really – there has to be some sort of sexual tension between the two of you.  And unfortunately, as hard as I tried to find it with his guy, it wasn’t there.

It didn’t help that when he stood up at the end of the date he barely passed my shoulder line and when he walked me to my car I had to bend over to hug him goodbye.

I am finally realizing I don’t tell people how I feel. I am the caretaker. I am the enabler to my single life. And my sister tells me I need to start telling people what I want… I want things. I want to go deep sea diving. I want to go skydiving. I want to see a Blue Whale.  I want to run a marathon.   Want to go rock climbing…on a huge mountain. I want to go snowshoeing.  I want to go to a rain forest.  I want to go hiking with a backpack and camp for a week straight while riding horses.  I want to own a horse.  I want to drive a jet ski. I want to go on a helicopter ride. I want to ride in a hot air balloon.   I want to swim with sharks.  I want to be inches away from a wild crocodile.  I want to wander in the wilderness.  I want to see Africa. Authentic Africa. Not that tourist shit. I like going sledding in the winter. I enjoy the zoo. I hate walking long distances, but only because I have a bad back - not because I am lazy. I love playing sports> volleyball, basketball, kickball, softball...I love going to any live sporting event. I don't love beer, but I will have one among company. I don't consider myself a fashion snob, but I like to be put together. If my friend called me from Alaska and needed my help - I would be on the first plane there. I don't make excuses why I can't go out with friends, and I don't like liars. All the bad things (for the most part) that can happen to a woman in a relationship have happened to me. I'm not damaged, but I am aware. I am being open right now. I don't do that enough apparently.

I want a shot of tequila after all that sappy emotional stuff.

Here’s to hoping the next guy isn’t so short he can eat me out while standing…

The Girl who is starting to realize what she wants J