Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Other Girl..PT 2
I sit in meetings all day, at my desk, on my couch watching tv, out to lunch with my girlfriends and I think. I sit a lot. Anywhere, everywhere I sit I always end up thinking about the fact that I am single. In any conversation, presentation or observation there is a moment of my life that I wish I could share with someone else. There are things I see I want to tell someone about, there are feelings I have I want to discuss with someone. I have friends. I have lots of friends. But I wish I had a partner. Someone who is passionate about his life, career and friends. So maybe that is why I fell for the guy with girlfriend. And then got over him, in a week…but still. I admit I did it. But I got to thinking why did I like a guy I knew who had a girlfriend?
You know the more I think about it – I am drawn to him because I love his enthusiasm, his zest for life – passion for his career, and oddly the sexiest trait in a man to me is someone who maintains their crazy character in any situation and is passionate about what they do. I don’t mind a man who will spend more time at a bar talking to friends or the owner instead of me, because I do that. I don’t mind a man who might not be next to me the entire night, but his eyes are never left from my smile as I laugh at a friends joke across the room. He might not be next to me, but he is aware and confident in himself and me.
That’s what I like about guys like him. They don’t need me to happy. They have a reason to life and live it - and they have a way with a room – and I happen to be the lucky one in that room they are thinking about. And I want that. To be the one in the room they love. I want to be the person who they might not need to make them happy – but the one they want to share in their happy with them. That’s what I want to be. Someone’s happy.
Not the other girl. You know there is always an instant when you start dating someone who you know has a girlfriend, that you clearly think/hope they will leave the other person for you. But would you really want that man if he is a cheater?
I can understand a man who wants to cheat on his girlfriend and claims he doesn’t really care about her, as fucked up as that sounds, I have very good guy friends who confide in me about things, so I hear both sides - but if that man liked me he wouldn’t ask me to change his name, profession and appearance on my blog if he didn’t actually care if his girlfriend found out we kissed. If you don’t care about your simple relationship with your ‘on off girl friend’ who ‘if she broke up with you, you would not care’ because ‘you are both looking for other people’ and ‘know that the other is dating’, then you shouldn’t get nervous when you start dating someone who you know writes a blog about her dating experience and say she has to change your name and profession if you write about him..shady! Other than your girlfriend, there couldn’t be another reason for you to be so cautious.
I get torn still even knowing this. I like him because he makes me feel special and relates to my thoughts and passion. I don’t like men who are just like everyone else. I want an outside of the box, right brained, ADD, a carefree caring freak. Someone who is different, and special to me. But if I made him feel as special as he says I do, he wouldn’t want to lose me, if not me, than that feeling he has when he is with me – and he would admit to himself, just as intensely as I do, that there is a possibility for finding someone who understands and accepts everything about you – good, bad, strange, old and new. I wish everyone, myself included, would stop with the fucking sob story that ‘happiness does not exist and because of past relationships breaking your fucking heart we assume there is no one out there that will understand you’…get over it and realize it can happen.
Just do things to make yourself feel good. Flirt when you are out! I think flirting is great for a relationship – as long as the relationship has trust and honesty, flirting is the best way to keep the passion. Think about it – when you first met the person you are now in love with, there were those warm thoughts, caterpillars in your tummy and a confident glow about you that made you seem even more attractive. Because when people flirt with you back, you feel good about yourself. It is a shameless confidence booster.
We all need to be reminded, sometimes by strangers, of what a beautiful smile we have, or the wonderful laugh we have that fills a room, or eyes that are as blue as the sky. There should be absolutely nothing wrong with verbal flirting as long as you are confident and intelligent enough to know not to let it go any further. When you feel your best about yourself is when you give the best you to your partner. And sometimes after a long relationship – the spark can’t light the fire every night.
I remember talking about it with an ex once and we agreed, flirting was OK with other people, because at the end of the night, we are going home together – and the thought of making the rest of the people jealous seeing how happy we were together was exciting. I don’t care when a boyfriend talks to another woman – woman should be flattered when other woman find their men attractive – just sit back, smile and know you are the lucky one who has him. Don’t get me wrong…I get protective, I want everyone to know he is mine….I also like when people are jealous he is mine J Just keep it honest, real and don’t close everyone else in the world out once you get into a relationship – and most importantly, don’t be a demanding, controlling jealous bitch. It is when you bring on jealousy, irrationality, and insecurity that he will want to be with the other woman.
Clearly this guy’s girlfriend wasn’t doing something that he found me, the other woman, to satisfy what was missing. Or he is a total douchebag – but I’m not sticking around long enough to find out that answer.
Here’s to finding a guy who can’t wait to share his happy with me.
The girl who doesn’t mind if you talk to the hot blonde for a few minutes at the bar, while buying me a drink then take me home and fuck me til my legs go numb J