Sunday, March 6, 2011

Fish Tacos Do Not Make Me Horny

Guy 7:  John
Age:  25
Kids: no
Status: Single
Employment: Apparently owned his own construction company - well clearly he did, he was wearing Timbs
Height:  OMG - 6'2" - yes yes yes, finally! I can be the little spoon for once    
Eyes:  Baby ice blue - stunning
Hair: Black -- meow
Build:  Tall and uber thin - fucking sexy and Adrien Brody style...so you think I would have automatically been in love, so my type...if he didn't have so much gas. 
Outfit:  Jeans, flannel, Northface - nothing crazy, but nothing bad
First impression:  Alright - maybe playing this dating game is starting to pay off 
Blonde Date Blondie Rating:  Fuck it, I am saying 13, because it felt like I was on a date with a 13 year old.
Date #2?: oh helllll No.

This was a guy who I had been talking to via text for a few weeks setting up a date, and blew off about 3 times.  He lives in a town about 1.5 hours away so not that I really blew him off, but saved him the trip on days I wasn't 100% in the mood to be social.  I was saving him from a bad date. Right....huh? See I am not a bitch.  Either way, he was still so pathetic he accepted my offer to hang out on date 4. Finally.

I should have realized the red lights were flashing for a reason and stayed home all together.

Reasons I liked him: He had a sense of humor. He made me laugh...sometimes.  But now that I look back on it, I might have been laughing at him, now with him. Oops.

Reasons I didn't like him: Well first of all - I was about 20 minutes late - work reasons. Wait, that isn't a reason to not like him....And I walked in to find him at the bar standing there, and my first assumption would be he had ordered himself a drink. Right? Wouldn't you think. Well no.  He just stood there, taking up valuable bar space in the middle of a packed place, and didn't order a drink. But had one hand on the bar and the other on his hip as though he wanted to order a drink, or rather was pondering beckoning the bartender.  But when I asked him he said he had just been standing there for 20 minutes. And what? fake looking like you want to order a drink?? I dunno, guess that makes me an alcoholic that I feel someone needs to be liquored up to meet me.  Scratch that, clearly that makes me intolerable and I am the alcoholic.  I'm never going to have a boyfriend.

So we sit down, order a beer - the place we went had a fine selection to pick from - whatever, I had the server pick mine. The conversation is not forced, but not fluent.  We talk about work, and the city, why he lives where he lives....BELCH.  What the fuck. Dude just full on burped in the middle of conversation.  And this was before he had a sip of carbonated beer.  Who does that? Why would you belch, loudly, the first time meeting someone. Obviously he was not interested in me, or his mama didn't raise him to be a gentleman.  If he was funny, and enticing and we were having a grand old time and he did that - I'd laugh, I can get it sometimes.  But this shit was straight up- may have burped up his lunch and swallowed it for the second time- type of disgusting belch.  I swear I smelled grilled cheese for a good 10 seconds afterwards.

I am all about accepting life and our body have natural tendencies and actions we can not sometimes control, but atleast say excuse me.  Nothing. Not an 'sorry', 'oops', 'aw shit I chugged a 2 liter bottle of pop before I met you out' or even a 'Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color' reference.  Just straight up burping disgustingness.

We order our food, I opted for the Mediterranean chicken to go along with my some sort of beer selection from my server, all while I am thinking up reasons I can't stay after for a drink and need to leave.

Now we all know I am up for a good time and will make fucking ice cream sundaes out of shit and piss, but there was no hope for this one 'cause I am convinced he was coked out of his mind. The head twitches, the sniffing, the fidgeting, the white powder around the rim of his nostril...I had an ex who used to do that shit behind my back and it is not attractive to me.  Do it in your own time, not wasting mine.  I couldn't stand it.  It was like trying to have a conversation Willow Smith who kept whipping her hair back and forth.  I was getting a headache just trying to maintain eye contact with him.

Then our dinner arrived.  My Mediterranean chicken miraculously turned into Fish Tacos.  Now, I had never had fish tacos in my life. Nor had I wanted to eat Fish Tacos that night.  But I went with it, and tell ya, Fish Tacos are mighty tasty.  The best part of my Fish Tacos, is that I ended up paying for them in the end.  Literally. Doucher asked how I wanted to pay.  Icing on the cake that this date was O.V.E.R.  I through in my card, gave him the old 'thanks for a great time' and deleted his number.

Thinking after this date I won't only be eating more Fish Tacos for dinner, but might look into eating it for dessert from now on, if ya know what I mean.  Hot Dogs and Sausage are becoming less and less appetizing to me.

Here's to hoping I don't date so many shitty guys I start questioning if I might actually be a lesbian.


Love,
The Girl Who is Learning to Love Fish Tacos <3 :)

10 comments:

An Anguished Heart said...

I totally agree. A good man will have the manners to at least say "excuse me" in such a situation. Otherwise, it's just plain rude. And when it stinks... yuck! That's so gross. No one wants to know what you ate that day, let alone smell it.

A Girl's Gotta Eat said...

Right ! It should not matter if you are on a first date, hanging out with friends or any where else in public, have some manners!!

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

Hahahaha. I cannot WAIT to read more of your dating stories. I know I shouldn't laugh, but come on, it's pretty entertaining.

Jill said...

lol he sounds like a winner!

Shannon Ealy said...

What a doucher! I love your blog. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

Haha, you are so full of yourself, at this rate you'll be single forever. Unfortunately you don't even realize it--much more sad than all of these supposed loser guys you find so much fault with. If every guy you meet happens to have a problem time after time, I hate to say it but the problem is likely YOU.

A Girl's Gotta Eat said...

@jill - I am sure he is the perfect man for some woman :) haha

@shannon - right?! I am really hoping he did that because he thought I was fat, ugly, rude and never wanted to hear from me again - or he is missing brain cells.

@anonymous - I wouldn't say full of myself, if I was I wouldn't be single and dating - but I see your point how it comes across that way. But lets be honest, I could write about all the dates and relationships I have been on that were like sweet smelling flowers, fluffy puppies and long walks on the beach - but who the fuck wants to read about that?

<3 AGG2Eat

Caity said...

I love this blog! What a cute theme and it is so funny. I'm a total follower now.

Anonymous said...

@ anonymous #1 if you don't like what you're reading stop...let’s face it, tetchy comments are unbecoming and frankly if you want to express your opinion write your own blog (of which I will not follow)!

@ AGG2Eat keep up the good work on the blog I absolutely L*O*V*E love it!!

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